


Secret Truths

by captainflintsjacket



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst at the beginning, Brief description of injury, F/M, Happy Ending, Mentions of peril, Suspicions of Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainflintsjacket/pseuds/captainflintsjacket
Summary: You and Leonard have been dating for awhile, but, because he's your boss, he wants to keep the relationship a secret. It begs the question: what else are you keeping secret? What will it take to finally drag all your skeletons out of the closet?
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	Secret Truths

You were running through the woods. From what, you couldn’t say. You only knew you couldn’t stop. Something was after you. Why couldn’t you remember? 

You burst through the trees into a clearing at the edge of a cliff. The horizon stretched out before you, giving you a view of the planet sprawling before. It was a mosaic of breathtaking blues leaves and green water. You felt the urge to walk toward it. To jump into it. To let the water welcome you with open arms and envelope you. 

Before you knew it you were falling.

You woke with a start, sending your PADD crashing off the bed. The sound startled you more and you decided there was no point trying to get back to sleep, so you shut your alarm off and retrieved the PADD, using it to play an old radio show just to hear another voice in the room. 

Even with the extra time to get ready, you still managed to be late. Dr. McCoy raised an eyebrow as you practically ran into MedBay, breath heavy and uniform wrinkled. “Sorry,” you mumbled under his scrutiny. “Overslept." 

You picked up a patient file from the desk, ready to start the day and forget about its rocky start. Dr. McCoy seemed to have other ideas. 

"Really? Because you don’t look like you slept at all." 

"Ooh, spend the night with that mystery man again,” Carol asked as she rounded the counter. You shot her a glare deadly enough that she decided she needed to go recheck her patient’s vitals. 

You looked back to Dr. McCoy apologetically, but you could already see the tension in his jaw. The accusation in his eyes. God you were tired. 

“Mystery man, huh,” he said, suddenly very interested by the charts in his hand. 

You stepped closer, using your body to block your hands from view as you slid the PADD from Bones’ hands, using your own to fill the space. He closed his fingers between yours out of instinct. 

“Wouldn’t be a mystery if we just told everyone we’ve been seeing each other.” There was no malice in your voice, but Bones closed off anyway. 

“It’s against regulation,” he said. “Why haven’t you been sleeping?” Bones slipped easily back into doctor mode and you knew that was the end of the conversation. 

You sighed, wondering when the world started to feel so heavy on your shoulders. Maybe the gravity field was acting up again. “I had a bad dream." 

"About what?”

“I don’t know. I was running from something." 

Dr. McCoy grunted next to you as he picked up his PADD from the counter. "Funny. Dreams usually reflect reality.” He left you with your thoughts and the heaviness of his words. It was going to be a long day. 

___

“We still on for dinner,” you asked, popping your head into Dr. McCoy’s office. You looked back around MedBay, making sure no one was watching you. When had you gotten so good at sneaking around? 

“I’m busy. Paperwork.” Bones motioned to the files across his desk. He didn’t look up. 

Your stomach knotted itself as your brain fumbled with what to say. In the end, you didn’t say anything. 

The walk back to your quarters took longer than normal. You guessed it was the guilt on your conscience weighing you down or maybe the sleepiness already creeping back into your limbs, making them feel like bricks. 

Christ you were tired. Tired of these damn white walls and fluorescent lights and rationed showers. Tired of the same old replicator food and burnt coffee from the mess hall. Tired of all the secrets and hiding and performing as if your life was a circus and every move, every feeling just an act for the world’s pleasure. 

Though, in the end, you couldn’t fault Leonard for wanting to keep your relationship a secret. He was your boss. Besides, you had secrets of your own. 

Your PADD lit up the dim gloom of your bedroom as you walked over it. A message vivid on the screen: Can we talk now? 

A smile was already creeping across your face as you initiated a video conference in reply. “Hey, Samuel." 

Bones could hear your voice through the door, though he couldn’t hear the reply. His hand hung in the air, still poised to knock as he listened to your laughter echo. Of course I missed you, baby. More silence. He could hear you wandering around the room. I know. I’m sorry we haven’t talked as much. Work’s been busy. 

Silence. It stretched on and on until the seconds blended into minutes which could’ve blended into years for all Bones new. He’s never known silence to be so sharp or so painful, but it seemed to fill his very lungs as he strained to hear what was being said. 

Another peal of twinkling laughter rose from your throat. It might’ve stolen the breath from Dr. McCoy’s lungs if he’d been breathing. I love you so much, Sammy. 

Every heartbreak Bones had experienced flashed before him. Clumsy trysts to first kisses and first loves all somehow ending the same way: with him standing on the other side of the door. 

How had he gotten here again? 

Bones tried not to dwell on it as he turned away, feeling for everything like he was wading through quicksand and somewhere in his mind he knew that the only way through was to keep still, to wait and ask you about it but that part was drown out by the echo of your voice saying I love you, Sammy. 

It was better this way, Bones told himself. Better for you to be with someone you could be open with someone you didn’t have to hide. Someone who was actually worthy of your love.

Bones wasn’t in the mess hall the next morning. You wondered where he went but refused to give the thought life lest anyone ask why you were so interested in his whereabouts. That didn’t stop you from asking Christine when you got to MedBay and realized Bones wasn’t rounding on patients either. 

"He’s been sulking in the office all morning.” She motioned towards the closed door. “Said he needs to be alone with his ‘paperwork.’” You idly recalled him giving the same excuse yesterday. “Did you guys break up or something?" 

"What,” you ask, your voice an octave too high. 

“The two of you. Did you guys break up?”

“No, we- I…” You closed your eyes against the suddenly harsh lights and harsher stare from Christine. “We weren’t together, so we can’t break up.”

“Right,” she snorted. “Not together.”

“We’re not,” you protested, voice still too shrill to be believable. “We’re - Chris where are you going?" 

"Nowhere,” Christine smiled, “certainly not to go get the $100 Jim owes me.” With that, she slipped out of MedBay leaving you with little doubt as to what they were betting on. 

You ran your hands down your face. Had the two of you really been that obvious? At least this meant you could go comfort him without raising eyebrows.

Bones didn’t answer the first knock. Or the second. You honestly thought maybe he’d snuck out but once you strained your ear you could hear the clicking of keys coming from inside the office. Deciding the silence meant permission, you slipped into his office, still careful to shut the door tight behind you. 

Your heart broke when Bones looked at you, or, rather, refused to look at you. Anger was written across his features and you wanted nothing more than to smooth it out, but as you approached his desk he pushed himself away with such force that the chair slid into the wall behind him. 

He crossed his arms, pulling the muscles in his back taut. You couldn’t see his face, but you were sure his jaw was tight and he was pinching the bridge of his nose the way he always did when something got under his skin. 

“What can I do,” you asked. You wrung your hands in front of you, hoping to ease some of the restless energy coursing through you. 

“You can go.” Cold. Pointed. Painful. 

“Tell me what’s wrong first." 

"I don’t have time for this,” Bones said, reaching for his chair, “I have-”

“Paperwork.” The word held more venom than you meant. It shut Bones up for a minute and the silence that fell between you had teeth. It gnawed at both of you the more it grew until, finally, Bones worked up the nerve to break it. 

“Who’s Samuel?" 

A dead patient. A mystery illness. Homesickness. There were a million things you’d expected him to say was bothering him, but this put your brain on red alert. "What,” you asked, trying to buy yourself time to come up with a good explanation. 

“Samuel. I heard you talking to someone named Samuel.”

“You heard me?”

Bones sighed, dropping into the chair. People always said he had a temper so hot it would burn you, but the truth is it was more like a wave. It grew until it crashed but, like every wave, eventually it broke and dragged Bones somewhere deep inside himself. “I went by your room last night. To apologize. You were talking to someone.”

“You were spying on me?”

“No, I just said-” Bones cut himself off as his voice started to rise again. “Who were you talking to?”

“Why are you so concerned with who I talk to in my free time?” You kicked yourself as soon as you said it. Why was your brain doing this to you? Why not just tell him the truth? You begged your brain to be on your side for once please. 

Bones closed his eyes and let the quiet cut his ears. After a lifetime, he stood and walked towards the door. You thought he was going to leave, but he simply opened it and looked back at you. “Because I loved you." 

Oh. 

You moved towards him. Tried to say something. Anything, but he raised a palm, shaking. "Please just…” He motioned out the door, and your feet led you out while your brain still short-circuited. When it finally caught up, you turned around but choked on the apology in your throat as the door slid shut and Bones disappeared behind it. 

The rest of the day moved like a mudslide, quick and suffocating. You wanted to apologize to Bones, but his door remained steadfastly closed and locked, as you found out when your self-control finally broke. You weren’t sure what you would’ve told him anyway. Lunch felt like a godsend, even if you were too wound up to eat. It felt like a breath of fresh air just leaving the MedBay. 

You were walking to the mess hall when the ship swayed under your feet. Before you could even think about it, the hallway was plunged in darkness. The emergency lights kicked on followed by a mechanical voice across the intercoms: “Code Red biochemistry lab.” You were sprinting before the announcement could repeat. 

It was chaos when you got there. Flames lapped at the walls as techs dragged people in varying states of consciousness out of the lab. Someone from engineering was shouting angrily about needing to seal this sector off before the fire caused any more damage. There was a cacophony of screaming and blaring alarms and hissing sprinklers almost drowning a cry for help somewhere in the lab. 

The engineer tried to stop you as you ran past. The lab was a mess of smoke and flame and you could feel your lungs burning already, but you set your mind on the voice calling out from an upturned desk. You could see an arm sticking out from behind it and were relieved to find it still attached to a body. Another lab tech, her legs were pinned. 

“Thank God,” she sobbed, “I can’t get it off please. Please help.”

“I will, but I need you to hold still first.” You tugged gently at the shirt she wore, trying to pry the cloth up so you could get a good look at her abdomen. There didn’t seem to be any blood, but the bruising could definitely mean trouble. 

A ceiling tile flew off and clattered against the ground a few feet away. “Right, this is going to hurt, but I need you to use your arms to pull yourself out when I lift this, all right?” The lab tech nodded and braced herself as you crouched. You heard something else behind you shatter as you lifted the desk as best you could. It was only a few inches, but it was enough for the tech to drag herself out. 

The second she was clear, you dropped the desk and fell to your knees next to her. “Hey. Hey,” you said again, louder. The tech forced her eyes away from her injured legs to look at you. “What’s your name?”

“Akara.”

“Well, Akara, I’m not gonna sugar coat this. I am going to get you out of here, but it’s gonna hurt like hell, okay?” 

Akara nodded, and you stood back up, moving to hook your arms under hers. You counted to three and hoisted her up as far as you could. The scream she let out almost defended you, but you pushed on, dragging Akara with you as you backed out toward the hallway. A spark from the wiring to your left scared you so much you nearly dropped her before finally escaping the lab. You paused against the wall to catch your breath for a second. That’s when you saw him. 

Leonard McCoy. Standing at the other end of the hallway arguing with a second engineer. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you figured it had something to do with the doors that were rapidly closing in front of you. 

“Wait,” you croaked out through the smoke in your chest. You propped Akara up against the wall and tried again. “Wait.” It was enough to get everyone’s attention, but too late to do anything except watch as you ran towards the doors and they locked in your face. Bones called out to you from the other side, pounding with enough strength you honestly thought he might break through on his own. 

“Leonard,” you called through the metal, “Leonard can you hear me?”

His voice came back, ragged and distant: “Yes.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I need you to know that I lo-” 

Your words were drowned by another explosion. Glass and twisted metal shot into the hallway, ricocheting around you as flames engulfed your vision. The last thing you heard was the groaning of the ship’s hull and the dull pounding of Bones’ fist on the door. Then there was nothing. 

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing. 

Nothing. Then beeping. A heart monitor, dragging you kicking and screaming back into consciousness. You tried to open your eyes but they were bandaged. You tried to move your arms but it felt like the flames were still caressing you - like they hadn’t feasted enough. 

You blink and an hour passes. You take a breath and a week passes. You fall asleep and open your eyes to the same buzzing fluorescent lights and you don’t know anymore how much time has passed, only that you’re happy to see them. Happy to smell the disinfectant and latex always present in MedBay. Happy to feel the scratchy sheets beneath your hands and just damn euphoric to hear the creak of the hospital chair as Bones shifted next to you. 

You take the moment to drink him in while he’s not aware you’re looking: worry creasing his forehead, eyes trained down at the PADD in his hands - your charts no doubt. Looking for something he missed when all he was missing was the woman in front of him. 

“Samuel’s my son,” you said, voice cracking from disuse. 

Bones nearly dropped the PADD in his hands. When he looked up and saw you staring back at him, he let it fall unceremoniously to the floor and practically threw himself on the bed. You met him halfway, and pulled each other into an embrace that felt like coming home. “I thought I’d lost you,” Bones confessed, face buried in your hair. “I thought you…wait you have a son?” Bones pulled back, hands not willing to part from your skin but needing to know the truth. 

You nodded. 

“I don’t understand. There’s nothing in your medical history.”

“He was adopted,” you said. “When he was two. My sister-” You drew a shaky breath. “He’s my nephew, technically, but I adopted him.” 

“We don’t have to do this now.” 

“I don’t want to keep any more secrets. Not about Sammy and not about this,” you said, motioning between the two of you. “I don’t care if it’s against the rules. I love you, Leonard Horatio McCoy. I love you and I want you to know all of me that there is to know.”

Bones wasn’t sure his voice would hold long enough to respond, so he kissed you, imbuing it with all the things he wanted to say: I love you too. I want you to know me too. If you died, a part of me would have died too. You drank his admissions and responded with your own: I love you. I need you. You are my rock, my life, my very bones.

You wiped away the tears that slid down the curve of Bones’ cheeks as he pulled away from you. He leaned into the touch, kissing your palms, your wrist, every inch of you he could reach in that moment. Then, he pulled your hand into his lap and simply held it, as if there were no greater pleasure in the world. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about your son?” 

You shrugged. “I didn’t tell anyone.” 

Bones let out a dissatisfied noise in response. “I think I’m uniquely qualified to understand the life of a single parent.” 

“Then, you should understand that it wasn’t to hurt you or protect him. It’s just…” You sighed, not sure how to explain to him why you kept Samuel a secret when you really couldn’t even explain it to yourself. 

“You were worried he wouldn’t like me,” Bones offered. “Worried you’d have to choose between the two of us.” You nodded. “You know I’d never make you choose.” 

“I know. That’s why I was worried.“ 

“Guess it’s lucky that I’m extremely likeable.” 

You snorted. “Yeah, sure, let me just poll the staff real quick.” 

“I am a Southern gentleman,” Bones said with an exaggerated drawl and a hand over his heart. The feigned insult on his face slipped into a smile as he watched you laugh. “When do I get to meet him?” 

“Depends. When are we getting home again?” 

Bones bit his tongue looking every bit like a child about to spoil a surprise. “Tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow? Are you serious?” 

“Yep. We’re going back for repairs and shore leave.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh as the breath you’d been holding escaped. You threw your arms around Bones’ neck. “Thank you. Thank you.” You squeezed him as tight as you could. 

“Don’t thank me. You’re the one that got blown up trying to be a hero.” You were practically beaming at him, every bit as radiant as the day he first saw you. “Samuel’ll be proud. I know I am.” 

The next morning couldn’t come fast enough. You wanted to run off the ship as soon as it landed, but Bones forced you into a wheelchair, determined to keep you under his watchful eye for the entirety of leave. 

“Ready,” he asked, poised at the entrance of the ship. You nodded, not quite sure if it was the truth. Bones pressed a kiss to the top of your head and started down the ramp of the Enterprise. 

The landing platform was crowded with crew members and their families. Security guards struggled to be heard over the sound of reunions as they tried to control traffic from ships that were boarding and unloading. Everything was bustling and alive and you thought you couldn’t possibly feel any more joy until you heard one sound above everything else: your son. 

Your eyes immediately snapped in his direction and before Bones could stop you, you were sprinting towards him. He jumped into your arms as you fell to your knees and pulled him into a hug so tight you honestly thought you might break him. 

“God I missed you, Sam,” you said, trying to choke back the tears in your throat.

“Grammy said you got hurt,” he said as he pulled away, touching your face and shoulders, trying to make sure you were in one piece. “Are you hurt?” 

“No,” you smiled, “No, I’m all better now.” Sam’s stare was distant, fixed on something behind you. Bones looked only slightly upset at you for leaving the wheelchair. “This is Dr. McCoy,” you said, standing but not letting go of Samuel’s hand. “He’s the doctor that helped me get better.” Samuel peered out from behind your leg but said nothing. 

“Hey, buddy,” Bones said, crouching to Sam’s level. “It’s good to meet you. I’m Leonard.” He held his hand out for Samuel to shake.

Sam didn’t take it. “You helped mommy?” 

“Yeah. That’s my job.” 

With that, Samuel darted out from behind your leg and flung himself at Bones with such force it knocked them both to the ground. “Thank you,” he said, arms tight around Bones’ shoulders. “Thank you for helping mommy.” 

Your heart swelled as you leaned down to pick Samuel up and off Leonard. “Good news,” you said, “I think Sammy likes you.” 

“Feeling’s mutual,” Bones said as he stood, brushing himself off. 

“Can he come with us to get ice cream,” Sam asked. “Grammy said we could all go out for ice cream.” 

“Did she now,” you asked , raising an eyebrow at your mother, who stood watching the three of you, clearly amused. “Well, I think I’d better ask my doctor if it’s okay, too. What do you say, Dr. McCoy?” 

“I’d love to,” Bones smiled, patting the seat of the wheelchair. 

Samuel gasped in your arms. “Can I ride in it, mommy? Please, please, please?” 

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course, baby.” Samuel nearly jumped from your arms before bounding into the seat. He was already chattering away about what he’d been up to while you were away as Bones started pushing him forward. You looped your arm around Leonard’s, leaning into him, feeling his warmth mingling with the sunlight on your skin and feeling for the first time like everything finally clicked into place.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr @trade-baby-blues


End file.
